Communication breakdown...

So, I think my antidepressants ARE making me aggressive, or else my natural personality is just a hard ass who doesn't put up with a lot of shit. Come to think of it my mother is like that, so probably the latter. Anyhow, I think I've finally had it with passive-aggressive people. I can think of numerous examples from today, but since you've all already met my good friend L., I'll tell you about that one. So, I go in to help Mom because they're moving into a trailer while the dealership is being remodeled. L. and I end up out there at the same time - he's trying to unpack his shit, I'm trying to carry in Mom's. I'm just making small talk and enjoying the AC because it's cooler in the trailer than it ever has been in Mom's office. And, I'm trying not to fall asleep, which after nearly 2.5 hours in and out of the heat is damn difficult when one finally finds comfy air conditioning. So, I'm standing there watching him unpack, just telling him that I'm going to get my own office and stuff when Mom moves back to that bedroom. I'm talking and he's making these little huffing noises and shit. Well, pardon me I wasn't ready to go back out in the heat. So, I just stand there and absorb the air conditioner and spacing out because I'm so tired and I just need a few minutes away from the fray, and he's still acting like he's put out that I'm there. And, I'm thinking, "just say, 'Tracy, I really need to focus on this so that I can finish and go home.' and we'll be good." But, of course, he doesn't. He just continues to give me looks and hope I'll take the hint because I'm such a nice little girl and all that shit. And, he has the gall to act like I'm the one behaving badly when I'm pretty much just trying to rest a bit. So, I finally go, "L., am I distracting you?" "Um, yeah, just the tiniest bit," with a laugh like he's making fun of me for not figuring it out sooner. And, I'm thinking, "You dumbass, I figured it out. I just wanted you to act like an adult instead of a petulant child." But, I digress...So, I go, "Okay, so say that...nicely." And, he just looked at me.

I know he doesn't want me around, he's made it quite clear with actions, but I haven't been getting personal, nor have I been taking up much of his time. If someone's disturbing me while I'm trying to work, I don't get passive-aggressive and either shout or huff. I say, "I really need to finish this. Can we talk later?" or something. Duh! I guess this is what's been getting on my nerves for a long time. People either feel they have to be brutally honest or they feel they have to drop little hints. What happened to directness, to honesty, to saying what you mean (as long as you do it nicely)? Anyhow, this is just indicative of why most people drive me nuts! Maybe I am too demanding, and maybe I'm just taking it out on him because he annoys me so much. I don't know. I'm hurt and he's never felt bad about taking it out on me. Yeah, I know that's not an excuse. I'm just saying, no matter how much he dislikes someone personally that's no reason to be a bitch about it, which he is. His venom is horrible. I'm sure when I'm not there he's going "God, I wish she'd leave me alone - the bitch." But, you know what, I've never been anything but nice to him, even if I have bugged him at times (which he kinda started by lapping up my attention because he needed attention), so it's all on him as far as I'm concerned. At least, I didn't scream at him, "just say it, you coward!" which I definitely was thinking. I don't know what's up with him lately. He's acting like a butt but covering it with politeness. Yeah, that's not annoying or anything. And, news flash, it doesn't make you any less of a butt!

TMR